I’m sure you are all familiar with the saying, “That is the pot calling the kettle black”. Well, hello kettle, this is the pot. Everything contained in this article is solely my personal observations, opinions and my own guilty confessions. You won’t find any research based claims here. Just a mom, trying to do the best job I know how with the little time I have left with my children under my roof. This topic is weighing on me personally and I’ve given it a great deal of thought. So with that great endorsement, I hope you’ll read on.
I have been a people watcher for as long as I can remember. I think that is why I entered the world of psychology – I enjoy observing relationships and interactions of people. I really LIKE people. My favorite things to watch are interactions between parents and children. You know you’ve done it too – while waiting at a restaurant or shopping at the mall. We’ve all chuckled as we empathize with the mom trying to control the toddler in the check out line at Wal-Mart or the parents trying to engage their teenage son in conversation only to get the “you’re so boring” look. My personal favorites are the siblings who are fighting over the one seat left in the waiting area. We’ve all been there and there is something comforting about watching other families deal with the same exchanges. It makes us feel normal.
But lately, I must say, the interactions just aren’t as much fun to watch and I think I know at least one reason why – technology has taken over communication in our society! Now in place of the mom fussing at her toddler I see the mom texting on her phone and totally ignoring the child. In the restaurant, the father may be checking his Blackberry while the mom talks on her cell phone and the kids text on theirs. The siblings aren’t even fighting anymore unless it’s over who gets to play the hand held video game first. It’s like a new invasion that is wiping out face to face conversation in our society.
It’s not just when we are out waiting for something or shopping somewhere. How about the conversations we used to have in the car? I know I have personally found that I pick up my cell phone to call someone for something almost simultaneously with putting the car in drive. My guilt over this has recently reached a new high as I realized that the most time I have to spend with my “tween” age children is actually in the car taking them from activity to activity. How many great stories have I missed from them because I was too busy trying to multi-task? And, do the kids really need to watch a movie in the car when going somewhere that is 15 minutes away?
What about at home? I know it is quite common for our family to be in four different rooms connected to four different forms of technology. One may be checking e-mail, one playing Rock Band, one doing work related tasks and one checking Facebook – everyone is engaged in something, just not with each other. And while I’m on the topic of Facebook (of which I am a big fan and likely have many of you as “friends”), do I really need to know what Carla is doing right now if I don’t know what happened at school today with my own child? Is it possible that we get so comfortable with the ease of e-mailing, texting, Facebooking and instant messaging that we forget the innate need we all have for real relationships with real people? Especially with our families??
As for our children, do they realize there is no substitute for genuine conversation? I fear that very soon we will be demonstrating keyboarding in preschool in place of the ABC’s and “text spell” will take over our weekly spelling lists. Our children have access to anyone, almost anywhere at anytime. They will say things through an e-mail or text message that they would likely never say in a face to face conversation. I like to call these “virtual relationships”. Along with this type of conversation comes the high risk of misunderstanding context and emotions behind those words. There is no ability to read facial expressions or body language that makes up such a large part of communication among humans. These brief exchanges through technology are incredible tools for sharing every day details, but shouldn’t substitute for lengthy meaningful conversations. Does anybody really need to send 10,000 texts in a month? (Hypothetically speaking, of course– I can neither confirm nor deny my 13 year old’s recent cell phone activity).
I am certainly not anti-technology. I am an avid user of it and am quite grateful for it. But I do think that as with any great thing in life, if not put in the proper perspective and used responsibly, those deep relationships we once enjoyed will become nothing more than an occasional TTYL and IDK among those we love the most. While I am not suggesting that we all revert to rotary phones and word processors, I do want to make a plea to all parents out there. The next time you reach for your cell phone or head to your computer, ask yourself – “Have I spent any time interacting with my family today? Is there something more lasting I could be doing with them right now?” Children grow up so fast. Let’s be mindful of every moment we have with them and try our best to make the most of those moments. Make a genuine effort to encourage things like family game night, picnics in the park, dinners around an actual table, and even face to face conversations. It is during those times that the best parenting can occur and that we pour ourselves into our family relationships.
I’ll leave you with the popular words of radio personality Mack Truck from WSIX, “Just my opinion, ought to be yours.” JK – LOL.
